Character Development – The Waitress Pt. 2

The Waitress Pt.2

The moment the diner door chimed, she knew a retriever had walked in. They all looked the same, black suit, badge and firearm displayed on their belts.  This one looked unhappy. Something weighed heavy on his mind.

He walked to the counter and took the first available seat.

“What can I get you?” She asked as she listened for the young couple’s exit thru the backdoor.

“Just Coffee and toast.” he replied as he fidgeted with the non-functioning tracking device.  The girl was close. He could feel it.  If it weren’t for office budget cuts and a freeze on buying new equipment, he’d have this commodity bagged and tagged for the landfill.

“You look like you could use a hardy meal. The boy in the back makes a tasty breakfast platter. Let me serve that up for you.” She slaps the counter to get his attention. “It’s on the house!”

2 Replies to “Character Development – The Waitress Pt. 2”

  1. You certainly have a knack for drawing in the reader very quickly. As I’m sure you know, that is particularly important in a short story. But, even in a novel, people may give you a fairly short time (first page is preferable) to convince them that they MUST read your story. Your snippets are very good, crisp and clean, but you’re pissing me off by not giving me a finished story that I can read all the way through (arf).
    A

    1. Allen,

      As for the story and the short snippets. Here’s the thing. I have a story idea in my head but I don’t really have a beginning , middle or an end. What I do have is little pieces of time or moments from this story clearly in my vision. How will these little snippets fit into the grand scheme of things, well I guess you will have to wait and see. 🙂 The little snippets are also a way of helping me define a person and a scene. It’s practice writing, like english class. BTW, your thoughts on my writing mean a great deal to me. Thanks, Marsha

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